THE POOPIE LIST GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come our, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A-VEIN-IN YOUR-FOREHEAD-POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. GASSEY POOPIE: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling! DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking, It's most noticeable trait is the sid marks on the bottom of the toilet. GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE-POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS POOPIE: (The power dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. LIQUID POOPIE The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl. MEXICAN POOPIE: It smells so bad your nose burns. UPPER-CLASS POOPIE: The kind of poopie that doesn't smell. THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but OOPS - a poopie!!! THE DANGLING POOPIE: this poopie refused to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose. BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE Poopie or the POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD Poopie - The kind poopie where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke. RICHARD SIMMONS Poopie - The kind of poopie where you poopie so much that you lose 40 pounds. CORN Poopie - Self explanitory. ICEBERG Poopie - The kind where the poopie is so long that the end of it sticks above the water SQUID Poopie - That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender buns THE OTTOMAS Poopie - The kind where the odor of the mess creeps out of the restroom and throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near evacuation. (This has been noted in several bowling alleys in the past few years) POPCORN AND PEANUT Poopie: (Related To The Corn Poopie Family) When you poopie and can actually feel the Popcorn, Peanuts, and any other foreign objects. THE SLOW AS MOLASSES Poopie: People who will sit on the toilet for 2 to 3 hours and grunt, groan, fart, and curse because it takes so long. ( It usually ends up to be a huge fart at most.) SPEED PoopieRS: People who can walk to the bathroom, and in less than 30 seconds, can poopie, wipe, and be gone! SHRIVELED DRY Poopie: The kind where you sit there and squeez until your stomach feels like it's coming out of you ass and the poopie is so dried up it feels like broken glass sliding through your ass. THE I'M BUSY Poopie: Where you are trying to do something (like call a BBS) and you don't want to take the time to go poopie, so you hold it as long as possible and then run like a screaming maniac to the bathroom and tear you pants off jump on the toilet and it flys out in 4 seconds flat making a loud fart noise and slashing your buns with water. JALAPENO Poopie: The kind of poopie where you eat HOT jalapenos all day then scream the whole time in the bathroom because it feels like someone has a flamethrower up your ass and your poopie comes out like red-orange mushy clay. THE 'I THINK I HAVE TO Poopie' Poopie: This is where you feel like you have to poopie but when you try the feeling goes away then as soon as your back doing what you where doing before it happens again. PEBBLES Poopie : the kind of poopie where you try for hours to squeeze it out and all that happens is one tiny little black pebble comes out! INTERRUPTED Poopie - This is the kind where you're in the bathroom halfway through withyour poopie and all of a sudden the doorbell rings or the phone rings and you have to squeeze your ass muscles to eiher hurry the poopie along or cut it off in mid poopie. THE 'I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE Poopie' Poopie: This is where you fell like you have to poopie but it's not so noticeable that you go, then you get in the car to go somewhere and as soon as you get down the block you say to yourself, 'I knew I should have gone poopie!!'.. What happens after that is unpredictible!! THE NIAGRA FALLS PoopieR: This is the type of person who was born with diarea and still has it. They sit down and it shoots out like a dam the broke wide open. The worst part is when you have to go next and the toilet is unspeakable and there is no toilet paper left to use. HANGING BY THREAD POOPIE.:The one you wait around for, for a little while, before trying to loosen it by rocking, swinging and bouncing, knowing all the time you're gonna have to smear that baby all over your butt, use half a roll of paper just trying to get rid of it. There is a 50% chance you will miss getting all of it, of course. In which case you might notice it after you have put your pants back on, and to your horror you experience that cool wet sensation just above the knee cap. At this point you will either go into denial and walk around smelling like poopie, or take your pants off and use the other half of the roll trying to get it out of your pants. As a public service the authors of the poopie list ask you to vigorously wash your hands in either case. BLACK RAIN POOPIE. This comes out with the consistentcy of melted chocolate and the smell of toxic waste and is darker than is normal for humans. BLACK HOLE POOPIE: What you have after a black rain. APOCALYPSE NOW POOPIE: This is the one that says "NOW" to you whilst you're still putting your key in the door. By some inhuman feat of control you manage to keep it just the right side of your asshole until you get your undies down whereupon it blasts like flaming napalm out of you all over the pot before your cheeks get a chance to touch the seat. TERMINATOR POOPIE: Or "The butt plug" no matter how hard you squeeze, is going to stay just inside your tubes but far enough down to convince you that it might just come out if you grip the edges of the seat and pull at the same time as trying to force your internal organs through your hole. Don't be tricked by this little sucker, it's there to stay. Come back when you can Thunderball. THUNDERBALL POOPIE: You sit. You wait. Then you feel that build up of back-pressure that is your only way to get rid of this Terminator. To maximise the effect, you tighten your sphincter whilst bearing down and just before the poopie turns to diamond under the heat and pressure you open your little bullet hole and out comes this flaming solid lump at almost escape velocity. You sigh and wait for the veins in your temples to go down before exiting. THE GUNS OF NAVARONE POOPIE: Similar to a Thunderball but this time you have lots of ammunition. BODY OF EVIDENCE POOPIE: The one that resurfaces after the dreaful deed is done, especially when everyone has just seen you emerge from the can . But you know it wasn't there when you looked after flushing, so it couldn't have been you. BEWARE: This can cause the break-down of household relations and can be used in divorce proceedings. RUNNING MAN POOPIE: At the start of the day you had an "Apocalypse Now" and since then you've been for a dump seven times and each time you thought you were about to poopie down your trouser leg in public for the first time since you were in nappies. You make it to the bog and even to sit down but it comes out the way Newcastle Brown Ale goes in. On days like this you need to wear trainers and panty liners to truely feel safe. This is not quite the compleat list, but it's good enough. _ _____________________________ _ / )| schooler@csulb.edu |( \ / / | " /\_/\ " | \ \ _( (_ | ( o.o ) | _) )_ (((\ \>|_/->_______ > ~ < _______<-\_|