3 January 1996
          Table of Contents
          Credits and References
          ____________________ ______________

   This is the Web version of part three of the five part Frequently
   Asked Questions list for alt.folklore.urban. This section contains a
   list of various urban legends and related topics for this newsgroup.
   If the story you are considering posting to AFU falls under one of
   those discussed below, reconsider the posting or at least ask about it
   intelligently. Chances are, if it's on this list, it's been discussed
   to death. If you still want to post it as is, youse takes youse
Key to Listed FAQs

   T  = 100% scientific truth
   Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
   F  = 100% falsehood
   Ft = A legend, mostly untrue, but with a true occurrence or known
   Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
   U  = unanswered and may be unanswerable
   P  = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible (used
          extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected, as it
          could apply to just about every legend)
   There is a comment, `*', on certain lines in the FAQ. This indicates
   that there is further information on this point available via
   anonymous ftp. See the AFU anonymous ftp sites noted in Part I of the
   FAQ for more information.
The Misappliance Of Science

   F.* You can make as much ice faster by starting with warmer water.
   T.* Boiled water freezes faster than ordinary water at same initial
   T.* Hot water evaporates while freezing, producing 75% of ice in 90%
          of time.
          See ``Hot water freezes faster than cold water. Why does it do
          so?'', Jearl Walker in The Amateur Scientist, Scientific
          American, Vol. 237, No. 3, pp 246-257; September, 1977 and
          ``The Freezing of Hot and Cold Water'', G.S. Kell in American
          Journal of Physics, Vol. 37, No. 5, pp 564-565; May, 1969.
   F.  A penny falling from height of Empire State building will embed in
   T.  There is no truth to the rumor that James `T.' Kirk's middle name
          is Terry.
   F.* Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to
   T.  Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to
          isolate it.
   T.  You can also consult the sci.physics FAQ [part 2].
   Fb. Microwaving panties kills yeast infections (cold spots in oven...)
   F.  Coloring your CD's rim with (special) marker will enhance sound
   T.* CDs are the size they are because it could hold Beethoven's 9th
   F.* People explode/boil/something in the vacuum of space.
   F.  Eelskin wallet demagnetizes bank cards (nope, but magnetic clasp
   F.  Daylight sky appears dark enough to see stars from bottom of deep
   T.  Venus and perhaps a few other bright stars/planets can be seen in
   F.  Bubbles in bubble wrap contain a cheap, but toxic gas.
   U.  East German secret police `bug' factory now uses skills to make
          hearing aids
   F.  Hot-drying acid-washed jeans `re-activates' the acid(Nope, but
          might shrink)
   F.  Ontario Hydro mandated poor installation,so copper fails as often
          as Alum.
   T.  Fluorescent lamp will light up when held near high-voltage line.
   T.  You sure can raise bloody hell asking about physics/chemistry on
   Tb. Fluorescent light will break down vitamins in clear milk
   F.  Fluorescent lights leach vitamins from your body.
   Tb. Leather saddles used to be treated with llama dung to avoid
          scaring horses
   Tb. The spec. for leather saddles got copied for leather jackets...
   T.  3M `post-it' notes were invented & marketed as an unofficial
   T.* Subliminal messages in advertising are ineffective, but outlawed
          anyway. [``Media Sources and Business Legends'' in TCD]
   T.* ...Ted Frank posted cite of USA law.
   U.  Filamentous phage M13 obtained from lab's letter rejecting the
   T.  Long term storage of paper in a PVC envelope is harmful (fumes
          degrade it).
   T.  Some combinations of metal tooth fillings can receive radio
   F.  Printer/copier toner is carcinogenic. [But be careful about
          breathing it.]
   F.* The moon looks larger near the horizon than up in the sky due to
   T.* The above is due to an optical illusion.
   T.* Indiana House Bill #246 of 1897 would've set pi=3.2. Killed in
          state Senate.
   Fb. Some state (e.g., KS, OK, etc.) once considered a bill setting pi
          = 3 (or some other arbitrary, non-transcendental number).
   F.  US and Russia won't destroy their cultures of smallpox for fear of
   Fb. People only use 10% of their brain capacity (whatever that means).
   F.  If the entire population of China jumped up at the same time: a)
          the Earth's orbit would be disturbed, b) the entire US would be
          swamped by a tidal wave.
   Fb. If all the Chinese screamed at the same time, people in the US
          could hear it
   U.  This message is costing the net hundreds if not thousands of
   T.  There was a natural nuclear reaction in Africa long ago [NOT an
   F.  Swimming right after eating will cause cramps and you'll drown.
   F.  Squeezing out the air from a partially consumed soda bottle will
          keep soda from going flat.
   F.  There are workmen who died building Hoover Dam and were entombed
          in it.
   F.  There is a pillar in India made of metal found nowhere else in the
   Tb. Tomatoes are not vegetables, they're berries. [Thanks, Scott C.]
   T.* Women workers in old watch factories got poisoning by licking
          brushes used for applying radium compound to watch faces.
          Thanks to Stan Schwarz.
   F.  Large telescope mirrors often become distorted due to glass flow.
   F.* You can see glass flow in the windows of old buildings.
   T.  It don't matter whether or not you define glass as a liquid. It
          still don't go.
   T.* MRI used to be called ``Nuclear MRI'', but `N' was dropped due to
          nuke fear.
   T.  Nobody except Doug Spindler came up with any good stuff on the
          origins of Daylight Saving Time.
   U.  `Trekkies' are controlling the minds of everyone on the net.
   T.  A newspaper once substituted ``In the African-American'' for ``in
          the black.''
   T.  ...Andrew Steinberg sent a copy of the 19 Jul 90 column in the
          Fresno Bee which contained the original error and the 21 July
          90 column w/correction.
   T.  ...pvdl nailed this sucker down as a prank which was pulled by a
   F.* Welding while wearing contacts can cause them to stick to your
          eyeballs. [TCD]
   F.  NASA sends Swiss watchmakers very thin threads of gold; they send
          back drilled w/holes. [Similar story w/Japan and US.]
   T.  Marvin Minsky once followed up to a post by Peter van der Linden.
   F.  Standing a hard-boiled egg on end has something to do with an
   F.  There was a ``Philadelphia Experiment'' that tried to make stuff
   T.  You'll probably die if your skin is completely coated w/paint, but
          not of asphyxiation.
   F.  Scientists once concluded that bumblebees couldn't fly.
   T.  There are many stories about musicians and bands, especially after
          they die or are dead. Most aren't very interesting or novel.
   T.  There are male (and female) models in the Victoria's Secret
   F.  No two snowflakes are alike.
   F.  Elderly/large woman shoplifter faints in checkout line due to
          frozen chicken on her head.
   F.  There is no Nobel prize for mathematicians because his wife was
          fooling around with one. See the sci.math FAQ.
The 'Plane Truth (What Goes Up...)

   T.  800ft diameter asteroid passed within 500K miles of hitting earth
          in 1989.
   T.  Confused pilots occasionally land on tiny strip short of correct
   T.  F51D plane can flip due to engine torque.(A. Frisbie posted
          pilot's manual!)
   Tb. US Govt fixed plane transponders always report positions(catch
          drug imports)
   T.  Airforce/manufacturers tests planes by firing chickens from
          special cannon.
   Tb. Cessna planes aren't sold in the US anymore due to threat of
          liability suits
   T.  Beechcraft and Mooney still make & sell planes in the US
   Tb. Reports that a new 172 is scheduled to be available in '96 though.
   T.  Pilot can discreetly signal a hijack by setting the transponder to
   Tb. Leave flaps down when off the active as a request for armed
   F.  The Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from the
   T.  Many manmade structures can be seen with the naked eye from Earth
   F.  Shuttle crew did secret experiment on how to make love in zero
   Tb. Jet lag is exacerbated by alcohol consumption.
   T.  Parachute mishap brought down a Cessna (gently) on a novice's
   F.  Airlines use a gas to keep passengers mildly sedated and less
   U.  Similar story of lowering cabin pressure below usual.
   Fb. Both pilots on airliner end up locked out of cockpit in lavatory
          mixup. [``Death and Danger in the Air'' in CBA]
   U.  In 90% of plane crashes, the words ``Oh sh*t!'' appear on the
          flight recorder.
   Fb. Another passenger arrives for full plane; airline employee Gay
          must give up his seat. Someone else answers yes to ``Are you
          Gay?''; Gay says ``I'm Gay''; more passengers chime in that
          they're gay and ``They can't kick us all off.''
   F.  Bank programmer makes big bux by skimming off or rounding
          calculations in a payroll or interest compounding program. [AKA
          `Salami' method.]
   T.  Institutions are very reluctant to report frauds so may be
          difficult to ID.
   T.  There're lots of stories about how the Challenger astronauts died.
   T.  Check the sci.space FAQ.
   T.  On 2 July 1982, some lawn chairist w/lots of hot air went to 16K
   F.  Neil Armstrong may have helped an old neighbor get a blowjob when
          he took that step. [See
Does Not Compute

   T.  Computers have been stolen.
   T.  Apple uses a Cray to design hardware systems; Cray uses an
   T.  Prodigy grabs large sectors of the disk, containing data from
          deleted files.
   F.  Prodigy slyly reads your disk & nefariously uploads your top
          secrets to IBM.
   F.  Stories about Seymour Cray's strange hobbies (annual boat burning
   F.* The FCC is proposing a modem tax (Nope, the proposal died in
   T.  Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use;no type
          compliance,no license!
   U.  New computer system `lost' a Montgomery Ward Calif warehouse for 3
   T.  `q=q++;' is an undefined statement under ANSI C(same object
          modified twice).
   T.  Calling `#' a pound sign as in common US parlance really riles
          some folks up
   T.  `#' is frequently referred to as a `hash' mark outside the US.
   F.  Russian/Chinese mechanical translator translates ``out of sight,
          out of mind'' into ``blind and insane''. Also ``Spirit is
          willing, but the flesh is weak'' as ``the drink is good but the
          meat is rotten.''
   U.  IBM ordered a whole bunch of `THIMK' games; but printer changed to
          `THINK'. ...a.B. Mayers claims to have dug up a receipt for
          same. Getting close.
   T.  In 1947 a moth was found in a relay of the Harvard Mark II
          machine, and taped into the logbook as the ``first actual case
          of bug being found''.
   T.  The log book used to be in building 1200 `K-lab' of the Naval
          Surface Warfare Center, Dahlgren Division. Now at the
          Smithsonian MoAH.
   F.  Grace Hopper coined the term `bug' as a result of this event.
   T.  Grace Hopper was a programmer for the Mark II and often told the
          moth story.
   T.  `Bug' was used to mean a design defect as far back as Edison's
   T.  If you feel a need to finger a coke machine,try finger
   T.  See the alt.internet.services FAQ for more neat-and-keen stuff.
   T.  The ``Good Times'' virus is bogus. See http://users.aol.com/macfaq
Twinkie Twitter

   T.  ``animal or vegetable shortening'' on ingredients list == LARD
   F.  Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked! They set,
          like Jell-O(tm)
   Fb. Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie
          digests it...
   T.  There really were chocolate `iced' Twinkies.
   F.  Singer John Denver served as a sniper in Vietnam (poss. his dad
Mad Medicine

   T.  London doctor struck off for inveigling Turkish peasants to donate
          a kidney.
   F.* Dr. C. Drew, a plasma researcher; bleeds to death when hospital
          turns him (a black man) away. [Similar story with death of
          Blues great Bessie Smith.]
   U.  Hypnosis is a fake! Net says ``Yes, no, zzzz''. [But does remove
   F.  Flowers are bad in hospital rooms because they suck oxygen out of
   T.  (Wo)man takes huge quantity of baking soda as an antacid and ends
          up with CO2 rupturing stomach.
   U.  Woman had ``tree in the bedina'' -- potato used as pessary,
   U.  Woman had ``Smiling Mighty Jesus'' -- spinal meningitis.
   U.  Woman had ``sick as hell anemia'' -- sickle cell anemia
   U.  Woman named child ``Nosmo King'' after sign on delivery room door.
   T.  There're lots of stupid sounding names. I don't need to hear
          anymore of 'em.
   F.  There is a special ward for ``Newky Brown'' addicts in Newcastle
   F.* Person's hair turns entirely white `overnight' from stress.
   T.  Some people sneeze when exposed to bright light (``photic sneeze
   Tb. You can catch diseases (crabs, lice, herpes, VD, etc) from public
   Tb. Patient died when intravenously given Kaopectate.
   U.  FDA approval causes cancer.
   T.  Yes, we've heard of Coca-cola as a douche, but if you're that
          desperate, you're in big trouble.
   T.  Coca-cola is acidic. Wow.
   Tb. Drinking large quantities of deionized/distilled water over a long
          period of time can screw you up due to ion imbalances.
   F.  Hair/nails continue to grow after death.
   T.  They appear to as the corpse shrinks.
   F.  Hair grows back thicker or faster if you shave it.
   F.  Woman sees doc with irritated eye. Sez a male stripper rubbed his
          pouch in her eye. Doc checks and removes a louse from it.
   F.  ``Ear lobe'' repair is booming in NYC because thieves rip earrings
          off women.
   F.  Thugs hide under cars in malls and cut ankles of women returning
          to cars. [See ``The Slasher Under the Car'' in TBT.]
   Tb. Rat(s) eat face of child while child is near adult in poor side of
   F.  An autopsy reveals big hairballs in lungs of a man who breathed in
          bits of hair while he worked, and thus suffocated him.
   T.  RT's wife's small hair ball nearly killed her. And she's got a big
   F.  Girl dies of big hairball in stomach from chewing on ends of her
          braids. [Above two in ``The Hair Ball'' in TMP.]
   T.  Camilla Cracchiolo is doing some great stuff on the toxic body
          fumes story.
   T.  ...No, there's no definitive word yet on what caused the whole
          damn thing.
   F.  Mime has heart attack during act. People think it's part of act;
          he dies.
   Tb. Reported to have happened to Tommy Cooper.
   T.  Brian Bringardner emailed a UPI report about this happening to
          Dick Shawn.
   F.  B.F. Skinner's daughter died/committed suicide/sued because of she
          was reared in a Skinner box/special crib.
   Fb. Left-handed people have shorter life spans than righties.
   Fb. Women/people shouldn't sit on cold cement or metal 'cause it might
          hurt their plumbing or cause piles.
   F.  You can catch a cold by being chilled.
   U.  Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.
   T.  Like with any celebrity, there are lots of rumors about her.
   T.  There's all sorts of rumors about the AIDS virus being developed
          by various institutions.
   T.  The stories have generally been dull and boring.
   Tb.* Guillotined persons may remain conscious long enough to blink.
Wind-Powered Fantasies

   T.  Fin-de-siecle Frenchman,Petomane,got rich farting as music hall
   U.  Blowback (blowforward?) from ignited fart, singed frat-boy's
   U.  Vet cut vent-hole in cow's flank, lit escaping gases, burned down
   Tb. A patient's intestine explodes from cauterization during surgery
          due to gas.
   T.  A patient's intestine exploded during a colotomy.
Stupid Academia Tricks

   Note: Many university-based ULs are passed continually. Before
   posting, check out the references below and in Appendix B of JHB's
   textbook which has a survey of academe ULs by Barre Toelken.
   Most college ULs are now covered in Ted Frank's alt.folklore.college
   FAQ, which used this FAQ as a base. If you don't see what you like
   here, look there.
   T.  Prof lists famous unsolved problems;student thought it was
          homework- solved! (Student was George Dantzig.) [``The
          Unsolvable Math Problem'' in CBA.]
   Fb. Student cheats on exam, asks ``do you know who I am?'', jams paper
          in exam pile! [``Bluebook Legends'' in TMP]
   Fb. Professor jostled; misses watch; grabs back from jostler; later
          finds at home [Variation of ``The Jogger's Billfold'' in TCD]
   F.  College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic `A' for
          courses. [``The Suicide Rule'' in CBA.]
   T.  Student gets tuition $ by asking for $0.01 from each person via
   T.  Students find rolled-up carpet; take and unroll in dorm room to
          find body.
   Fb. Student kills self during exam by putting 2 pencils in nose and
          hitting desk
   T.  People's lawn gnomes/elves stolen; owners were sent letter/pics
          from exotic locations with the ornament. [``Roaming Gnomes'' in
   T.  Famous UL researcher misspells the subtitle of a Star Trek film in
          a book.
   F.  Two co-eds alone in dorm; one goes to study; other in room; roomie
          hears heavy dragging sounds; blocks door; hears scratches;
          waits til morning; opens door to find other co-ed with ax in
          head who was scratching for help. [``The Roommate's Death'' in
          TVH and TMP]
   Fb. Students buy a barber pole and drive the town. Stopped continually
          by police
   F.  Girl is alone at home/dorm with dog; sleeps; hears noise and a
          dripping sound; is frightened but reaches to dog and feels a
          lick; goes back to sleep. In morning, finds dog hanged in
          shower and note under bed which says ``humans can lick too.''
          [``The Licked Hand'' in TCD]
   Fb. Prof. gives `announced' quiz to surprised class after putting ad
          in paper.
   Fb. Prof. allows students to ``bring in what they can carry for
          exam''; student carrys in a grad student (variation on allowing
          use of `Feynman').
   Fb. Prof. nails exam thief by cutting bottom 0.5" of exam to find
          longer answer.
   Fb. Philosophy prof.'s 1 word exam: ``Why?'' `A' to student who
          replies ``Why not?'' [Many, many variations].
   Fb. Low grading prof. grades same exam in successive semesters; gives
          higher grade each time. 4th time around (or so), writes: ``Like
          it more each time''. [Version with drawing of a whale.]
   Fb. Prof. lectures class on sugar content of ejaculate. Girl then asks
          ``Why does it taste so salty then?'' Runs out of class amidst
   Fb. Science class students take swab from inside of cheek and examine
          under microscope. One group sees odd organisms and calls prof.
          who looks and declares that it's sperm.
   Fb. Student submits 20 yr old paper for class; prof. gives `A'; says
          he always liked it but he only got a `B' when he wrote it. [The
          above 6 are in ``College Con Artists and How They Operate'' in
   T.  Prof. Donald ``Art of Computer Programming'' Knuth's 1st
          publication was in MAD mag. (MAD #33 ``The Potrzebie system of
          weights and measures'')
   F.  Frat holds blood drive. Some grossly high % of frat donors are HIV
   T.  There seems to be quite a few university buildings named after
   Fb. Prof. demos test for diabetes by dipping finger in several flasks
          of urine and then licking it. Then asks students to do same.
          They do, after which he says he dipped with one finger and
          licked with the other.
   Fb. alt.folklore.college is dead.
   Fb. Co-ed responds to `quizzy' announcement with fear of `testies',
   F.  Albert Einstein did poorly in school.
   T.  If you want to post about some university's swimming tests, go to
Stupid People Tricks

   T.* Craig Shergold, UK cancer kid,sought get-well cards,overwhelmed
          with 33 mil.
   T.* Craig Shergold, UK health plan wouldn't operate;Kluge paid;tumor
          was benign!
   T.* Lousy quality CS GIF courtesy of Phil Kernick available via
          anonymous ftp.
   T.  Craig Shergold's 13th birthday was June 24, 1992.From now June 24
          is AFUday.
   T.  His name has been misspelled several times in various pleas.
   T.  But he sure as heck doesn't want or need any more cards now.
   T.* See The Guinness Book of Records 1992, p. 207.4 for his listing.
   T.* See 19 July 1990 NY Times (p. 24), People magazine 10 June 1991,
          p. 63.
   T.  He was interviewed on TV (23 Sep 94) on ``Eye to Eye with Connie
   T.  On 1 Dec 95 he was declared `cured.' [e.g., San Francisco
   T.* Check the afu anonymous ftp site for sources and references.
   T.* Cards that are sent to the hospital no longer go to him.
   T.  A variation of the above now includes a call for business cards.
          [Classic American UL in this genre is ``Postcards for Little
          Buddy'' in CBA]
   T.  There was a version involving bar codes which was a hoax.
   Tb. Craig Shergold lives in an `unsalubrious' section of town, but
          ...John Slater doesn't think Craig live in an `unsalubrious'
          area anymore.
   Tb. Craig voted on the folklore rmgroup from
   U.  Errol Flynn was invited to ``black tie'' party; went nude,except
          for black tie
   U.  Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams, or Marilyn vos Savant, or Isaac Asimov,
   T.  Some, one, or all of the above reads AFU.
   T.  Some beggars with ``will work for food'' signs are just extra
          sympathy scams.
   T.* People have been injured by rocking a vending machine that falls
          on them.
   Fb. Man's house demolished after friend placed ad in paper for a joke.
   Fb. US GI captures Iraqi soldier - they knew each other from Chicago.
   Tb. Ewan Kirk was a nice guy once or twice.
   F.  Special chemical for swim pools, turns bright color on contact
          with urine.
   F.  ``3 Men & a Baby'' has a scene with a real ghost in it. [``Psychic
          Videotapes'' in TBT.]
   F.  In the ``Wizard of Oz'' film you can see a body of someone who
          hung himself.
   Fb. Wife sprays toilet with flammable bug spray, husband shits,
          smokes, explodes Wife sprays toilet with flammable hair spray,
          you know the rest, etc. [``Hilarious Accidents'' in TMP.
          Variations in TVH.]
   F.* Aluminum ring pull tabs are collected & exchanged for dialysis
          machine time. [``Redemption Rumors'' in TMP]
   T.  ...Some places or people (e.g., The Ronald McDonald House in
          Rochester, MN) do collect tabs for their scrap value and raise
          $$ for various causes.
   T.  The MN connection has been noted by many people. One of the better
          and more recent articles was posted by Sarah Skovronsky.
   T.  There are two Canadians who collect them for wheelchairs. Ask Fred
   F.  Chanting ``Mary Worth'' before a mirror summons dead spirit at
          slumber parties ...Related to famous La Llorona legend? [``I
          Believe in Mary Worth'' in TMP]
   Fb. Male athlete cheats drug test with wife's pee; test shows he's
   T.  Infirm, elderly, obese alcoholics have set themselves on fire
   F.* People occasionally spontaneously combust and burn to death.
   F.  Cabbage Patch dolls are possessed by the devil.
   F.  Kid sends broken Cabbage Patch dolls back. Death certificate sent
          to kid. [``The Cabbage Patch Tragedy'' in TMP]
   Ft. Couple stays in odoriferous hotel room;informed next day of body
          in mattress
   T.  Case reported in Miami, FL in Mar 1994: Posts from Bo Bradham &
          Len Berlind.
   F.  Someone is crushed to death trying to shrink blue jeans by wearing
          in tub. [``Product Defect and Liability Legends'' in TCD]
   F.* Tourists' room is burgled, later finds snaps of ``toothbrush up
          thief's ass''. Often told of tropical areas (e.g., Hawaii,
          various countries in the Carribbean, but there's even one for
          Colorado).[``Indecent Exposure'' in TBT]
   F.  Two guys see kid fishing; kid says fish aren't biting but worms
          are; on way back; they discover kid slumped over; worms were
          baby water moccasins! [``The Can of Snakes'' in TMP]
   Fb. Child's foot/leg is amputated after pumping Reeboks shoes too
   T.  For some reason, some folks kill snakes by grabbing tail and
          `snapping' them
   T.  ``Chicken sexing'' is big business. Started by Asian family.
   T.  ``little gator'' S. Mudgett is mentioned in one of Cecil's books.
   F.  Folks find casks of wine in cellar of old house. Tap and drank
          from several of them. Later, preserved body of original house
          owner found in cask. [Body in the cask motif may find some
          basis in old story of Admiral Nelson of Battle of Trafalgar.
          His body was shipped back in wine/rum cask. Upon arrival in UK,
          cask was low/empty. ``The body in the cask'' in TCD.]
   Tb. Nautical saying: ``Tapping the Admiral'' is based on the above.
   F.  Boyfriend tells girlfriend they're through and she should leave
          when he leaves on a long trip. He returns to find phone off the
          hook connected to the `time' recording in Japan/some far away
          place. [``The Lover's Telephone Revenge'' in CBA]
   F.  Helicopter fights forest fires by scooping water from lake.
          Charred body of scuba diver found in ashes. [``Death and Danger
          in the Air'' in CBA]
   F.  Fat person on airline toilet has intestines sucked out due to
   T.  Apparently, a ``slightly obese'' person on ship toilet has had
          intestines sucked out due to vacuum.
   T.  A similar accident happened to a little girl who sat on a wading
          pool drain in North Carolina happened on 26 June 1993 [she
          didn't die].
   Tb. Some guy in a foreign country teaches the locals that a certain
          obscene handsign (to him) was actually a welcoming gesture.
          Locals all pose for pictures while making the gesture.
   F.  Woman on bus raises a man's hand and asks ``Who does it belong to?
          It was on my butt.'' Several red-faced men get off at next
   T.  Jan Harold Brunvand's son, Erik, teaches at UU and even read
          a.f.u. Sheesh!
   T.* There's a gif of Jan Harold Brunvand available via anonymous ftp.
   F.  Halloween sadists randomly give poisoned candy to children.
   T.  A Texas child was poisoned by his father on Halloween in 1974.
          [Above two are in ``Halloween Sadists'' in CBA]
   F.  Woman frequents tanning salons; develops funny smell; innards
          cooked! [``Curses! Broiled Again'' in CBA]
   T.  A guy goes a-shooting at Saguaro cacti; hits one. It falls and
          kills him! [``The Plant's Revenge'' in CBA]
   F.  Someone couldn't call for help because they couldn't dial the `11'
          in `911'. [``Dial 911 for Help'' in TCD]
   T.  Lots of people comment on the FAQ list without actually reading
   Tb. People were once frequently mistaken for dead and were buried
   Tb. Edison's last breath is kept in a jar in Michigan. (Well, sort
   Tb. Elvis lives near Palo Alto, works for Sun, and speaks w/an English
   Fb. Co-ed loses tampon inside prior to blind date; worried; sees
          school intern; is acutely embarrassed. Her date turns out to be
          the intern!
   Fb. Young man buys condom from pharmacist; he's embarrassed so boasts
          of date. He picks her up, pharmacist/dad answers the door!
          [``The Blind Date'' in TMP]
   F.  Bride at big wedding thanks each person, then thanks groom for
          sleeping w/maid-of-honor. Then throws bouquet, etc. [``The
          Bothered Bride'' in TMP]
   F.  Kid in Michael Jackson's commercial breaks neck and dies from:
          breakdancing, OD, hit by motorcycle. Kid is Alfonse Ribera.
          Rumored of many TV kids. [See ``Michael Jackson's Dancing
          Partner'' in TMP]
   F.  First 7 numbers on bar code of `Thriller' album is Michael
          Jackson's phone. [``Michael Jackson's Telephone Number'' in
   F.* Phil Collins' song ``In the Air Tonight'' is about a death
          witnessed by Phil.
   T.  ...Sheesh! This was even debunked in Parade magazine.
   T.  Crotch seam rivet in original Levi's dropped due to pain from
          standing near fires.
   F.  Several suburban white women visit big city. They nervously enter
          elevator which has a black man and a dog.He says ``Sit Lady!''
          They promptly sit on the floor but he was talking to the dog!
   T.  ...UL ends w/free dinner, roses, or tickets to concert for
          ignorant women.
   T.  ...Guys mentioned include Reggie Jackson, Wilt Chamberlain, Lionel
          Ritchie, ...Eddie Murphy, O.J. Simpson, Joe Greene and Magic
   T.  ...There is an amusing variant about the English parliament (look
          it up).
   T.  ...Older version:woman stuck in an elevator where two black men
          piss on her. [Above five are in ``The Elevator Incident'' in
   Fb. Some famous artist (Picasso/da Vinci/etc.] wants a new piece of
          furniture or furniture to be moved. Draws sketch for workman;
          who says no charge for the artist if he can keep the sketch.
   F.  Couple hires hippie-type babysitter. Later, mother calls and
          sitter says everything is fine; she's stuffed the turkey and
          put it in the oven. Mom worries since they don't have an
          turkey; parents rush home and find that stoned sitter has (or
          is about to) put baby in the (microwave) oven. [``The
          Hippie-Babysitter'' in TVH.]
   F.  `Clever' babysitter stops baby crying by holding its head in oven.
          [``The Clever Babysitter'' in TMP]
   U.  A plain-Jane coed invited to special night out by a BMOC. As she
          gets ready, has bad gas from lunch. Date arrives;so plans to
          fart in car before he gets in. She farts and quickly rolls down
          window. Date gets in, says,``I'd like you to meet Tom and Mary
          in the backseat.'' [``The Fart in the Dark'' in TVH.]
   Fb. Family visits wilderness park. They see bears and want to get
          ``cute pics'' of bear w/child so they smear honey on his cheek.
          Bear eats child's face.
   F.  Bride's father at wedding goes to pay band, but wallet is missing
          and has to take up collection from guests. Later viewing of
          wedding video shows groom's father lifting bride's father's
          wallet! [``Sex Scandals'' in TCD]
   Tb. Some guys who make $ recycling aluminum strip a house with new
   T.  People (mostly guys) have been electrocuted pissing on a subway's
          3rd rail.
   T.  Common UL mills include Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and Paul Harvey.
   F.  Woman lighting fire opens door w/hot poker;robber at door sees and
          grabs it! (Var. where woman is holding a knife). [``The Robber
          Who was Hurt'' in TCD]
   U.  People who feel the need to argue that 1 Jan 2000 is or is not the
          start of the 21st century need to get a life.
   F.  Clocks are commonly displayed at 8:18/8:20/10:10 because that's
          when JFK or Abraham Lincoln was shot.
   Fb. Henry Ford/Gen. Douglas McArthur/IBM Rep./et al. tests an
          interviewee by when they salt their food during lunch.
   T.  The song ``Happy Birthday'' is copyrighted.
   F.  ...Paul McCartney owns the rights.
   T.  ``Dave Rhodes'' letter asking for money is bogus. If you post it
          to AFU, you almost deserve to be mailbombed. Of course, I
          wouldn't condone it but then, you're not me.
   Fb. Some guy who works at a factory takes home a part a day until some
          time later he has a Cadillac/tank/truck.
   Tb. Putting a sleeping person's hand in water will cause him/her to
          pee for some people but not for others.
   F.  Some famous store is paying money for long fingernails to make
          false fingernails.
   T.* The bizarre suicide involving a guy, a tall building, window
          washers, and a shotgun is totally bogus but pretty damn good.
   F.  People are much loonier (e.g., shoot, screw, etc.) during a full
What's In A Word?

   [Bear in mind that AFU is not a dictionary server. Try checking out
   the OED and the Dictionary of American Regional English for
   etymological history; The Penguin Dictionary of Historical Slang, by
   Eric Partridge (abridged by Jacqueline Simpson). Penguin books. For
   you computer jocks, there's always alt.usage.english.]
   F.* The etymology of the 4-letter word `f*ck' is an acronym of old.
          [e.g. ``Fornication Under Consent of the King.'']
   T.  Lord knows, there're lots of variations of initials/names for
          ``Jesus Christ''
   T.  ...like Haploid/hermaphrodite/Harold/etc. If you must, post it to
   U.* `HAL' in the film ``2001: A Space Odyssey'' was derived from
          letters for `IBM'
   T.  ...Arthur C. Clarke has maintained that it was not.
   Tb. The expression `86' (to put the kibosh on), originated in 1920s
          diner slang.
   T.  A.J.Balfour appt'd Secretary Ireland by Uncle Bob.Nepotism? Bob's
          your uncle
   T.  JF Kennedy said ``Ich bin ein Berliner.'' Could be either ``I am a
          native of Berlin'' or ``I am a jelly doughnut.'' Berliners knew
          what he was talking about
   T.  Hebrew was considered as official language of the US. [Guess what
   F.* German was once within one or two votes of becoming the official
          US language
   T.  Fijian on the AT&T ad says ``Bula vinaka, beachside!'' (``hello,
   T.  Many languages don't pronounce foreign words/phrases as they
          really are.
   Fb. US Civil War Gen. Hooker is the source for a common term for
   Tb. ...Though he may have helped popularize it.
   F.* Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet.
   T.* Thomas Crapper did exist and made improvements to modern flushing
   T.  Martin Gardner said Crapper was bogus, but retracted it in one of
          his books.
   F.* The word 'crap' is derived from Thomas Crapper.
   F.  Otto Titzling invented the brassiere.
   F.* The words to ``Louie, Louie'' are dirty.[Thanks to Maiko Covington
          for lyrics]
   F.  Eskimos have some megaboss number of words for snow.
   T.  Stu Derby posted a whole sh*tload of 'em.
   F.* `Posh' is from ``Port Out, Starboard Home'' from Colonial English
   T.* `Hamburgers' and `Frankfurters' are named after cities in Germany.
   T.* ``In like Flynn'' is from Errol Flynn's acquittal on statutory
          rape charges.
   T.* `Okay' or `OK' is originally from a misspelling fad: ``Oll
          Korrect'' (all correct); popularized by ``Old Kinderhook'' Van
          Buren in election campaign.
   T.  The du Pont Co. has claimed (1940) that `nylon' was an arbitrary
          coinage, but also (1978) that it was a modification of ``no
          run'' spelled backwards.
   F.  Jack Kerouac wrote that `Pig' stands for ``Protector of Immutable
   T.  `Futhark' is an acronym.
   F.  The song ``Puff the Magic Dragon'' is about smoking pot or Vietnam
          war weapon.
   T.  Winston Churchill once said something memorable.
   T.  There is no good etymology for the phrase ``The whole nine
   T.  Suggestions have included: Volume in a concrete mixer, coal truck,
          or a wealthy person's grave; amount of cloth in a man's
          custom-made (i.e., `bespoke') suit, sports games, funeral
          shroud, kilt, in a bolt of cloth, square area in a ship's
          sails, and volume in a soldier's pack.
   T.* Studies indicate that the majority of US currency has traces of
   F.* The childhood rhyme ``Ring Around the Rosie'' has ties to the
          Black Plague.
   T.* The Chinese characters for `Coca-cola' could sound like those for
          ``bite the wax tadpole.''
   F.  The old Chevy Nova was a failure in Spanish speaking countries
          because it translates to ``No go.'' [Esp. since `Nova' means
   Tb. Pepsi had a similar episode where ``Come Alive with Pepsi!'' is
          rendered as ``Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead!''
   T.  Lots of people think threads like the etymology of company names
          such as `Exxon' are interesting and/or have some relevance.
How Firm Is Your Foundation?

   T.  David Johnston read AFU for 9 months before posting. BFD.
   F.  Building is built backwards. Public criticizes; Architect commits
   Tb. There have been buildings built backwards.
   F.  Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect
   F.  Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
   Ft. Lots of bldgs (malls, etc.) are sinking into the ground as we
          post! [See ``Back to the Drawing Board--Some Architectural
          Legends'' in CBA]
   T.  Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility
   T.  Clouds and other weather can transpire in the upper parts of high
   Fb. RC Church building plans reviewed by Pope/Vatican; response was
          ``we are not angels''; plans had no loos!
   Fb. Bldg collapses due to gas explosion from buried dead elephant
          under it.
   T.  Soldiers break step when marching over bridges (trivially
   U.  Bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step when marching over.
   Fb. Bridge falls down due to resonance if soldiers don't break step
          marching over. Broughton suspension bridge, England, 14 April
          1831, fell under soldiers march, but prob just overloaded, not
          resonating. Mark Brader posted Times story!
   F.  Otherwise sound bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step
          marching over. (There have been no documented instances of
   F.  Arizona resorts are prewired for slot machines should gambling be
   F.  Young woman meets beau's family for 1st time. During dinner, she
          has to take a leak and asks where the bathroom is. She goes in,
          but finds it's a bathroom w/no toilet! She looks around, can't
          find it. Being desperate and embarassed, she stands on sink to
          do it. Family hears loud crash and run to find that she's
          unconscious/bleeding/but okay. Sink collapsed!
   T.  Lotsa university buildings constructed in the 1960s look like
   U.  Many manhole covers are round because the holes are.
   T.* If you want to find out about the ``Oak Island'' story, check
          cathouse.org for Dick Joltes' excellent piece. Even if you
          don't it's there.
Kill Your Television!

   F.  ``Newlywed Game'' husband televised response that the strangest
          place they made love was ``That'd be the butt, Bob.''
   T.  Brian Gordon posted Bob Eubanks interview where Bob offers $10K
          for proof.
   T.  Dave Filippi posted similar account heard on Boston area radio
   T.  Many people claim to have seen it. Bill McCauley claims to have a
   T.  Robert Huss claims to have seen it but says the common quote is
   T.  Chris Johns claims to have seen Chuck Barris say it was true on
   F.* The UK cartoon series ``Cpt. Pugwash'' had character names
          w/double entendres.
   T.  The Guardian wrote this up in September 1991. They were
          successfuly sued and issued an apology/retraction in November
   T.  Ian Palmer posted a .wav file he says is from an episode called
          ``Fair Exchange'' supposedly available on a BBC Video called
          ``Captain Pugwash, Seafairing Tales'' where the Cpt. is
          supposed to have said ``I certainly did Master Bate.''
          Interestingly, this differs from the traditional UL where the
          name is often referred to as ``Master Bates.''
   T.  Many people claim to have seen and heard these too. What a
   T.  ...Gif of the Captain available at cathouse.org.
   T.  Woman has epileptic seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's [ET anchor]
   F.  ``Gilligan's Island'' was never a real TV show.
   Tb. Parents get a video for children. Find it was recorded over old
          porn tape!
   T.  CA assembly considering a law to ban the splicing of porn onto
          rented tapes.
   F.  Johnny Carson said he'd pet Zsa Zsa's pussy if she'd move her cat.
   F.  JC said to Jack Nicklaus' wife that her kissing his balls before a
          golf game must ``make his putter flutter.'' (Sometimes about
          Arnold Palmer.)
   T.* Bo Bradham saw A. Palmer deny it on the Tonight Show on 11 Oct 94.
   F.  JC gave out his AT&T card number for free calls since he won big
          settlement. [Or Steve McQueen/Paul Newman/Sammy Davis,Jr/Robert
          Redford/Burt Reynolds.]
   F.  David Letterman tells audience to say `Hi' to Paul Shaffer 'cause
          his contract says his butt can't be shown on TV. [Above four
          from ``Talk Show Tales - 'Dave's Behind' '' in CBA]
   F.* Kid tells Bozo the Clown to ``shove it''/etc. after kid drops egg
          in game.
   F.* Bozo interviews kids on show. One kid says ``Cram it, clown!'' Is
   F.* Some kid's talk show host says ``That ought to shut the little
          bastards up!'' on live TV/radio. [Above three from ``Bozo the
          Clown's Blooper'' in TMP]
   T.  Yes, yes, I've heard of Uncle Don and Kermit Schaeffer.
   F.* Soupy Sales was canned for telling kids to send him pieces of
          paper with pictures of dead presidents from their parents'
          dresser drawers on his show.
   T.* He was suspended for a week.
   F.  Jan or Cindy Brady actress was a porn star. See alt.sex.movies
   F.  Some muppet on Sesame Street is going to be snuffed.
   F.  Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are `gay.'
Reefer Madness

   [The alt.drugs FAQ list has lots of interesting info.]
   F.* ``Blue star'' or cartoon character (esp. Mickey Mouse) tattoos
          laced with LSD is sold at schools to hook kids on acid.
   T.* This UL is frequently spread via poorly typed/copied fliers.
   T.* LSD has been sold on blotter paper with cartoon characters.
          [``Blue Star Acid'' in CBA and ``Mickey Mouse Acid'' in TCD.
          See also Dave Gross's definitive periodic posting.]
   Fb. Person high on drugs stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
   T.  Check in Medline in Dec 1992 and Oct 94 shows no such case
   F.  Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope.May cause
   T.  Phil Kernick thinks it does work on him, but that's Oz for you.
   U.  More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
   F.  Tobacco cos. prepared to market/mfg joints if pot was legalized in
   T.  You can beat any drug test (in a Zen way) by not taking the test.
   U.  Guy on pot pulled over by police. Asked if he knew his speed. Was
          5 mph!
   F.  LSD accumulates in the brain and spinal column and shows up on
   Fb. McDonald's coffee stirrers changed; they were used by cocaine
          sniffers. [``Mickey Mouse Acid'' in TCD]
   F.* Banana peels and peanut shells contain hallucinogenic substances.
   F.* `Street' acid (LSD) is frequently cut with strychnine.
Astonishing Antipodean Antics

   F.  Some part of Australia is antipodal to some part of N. America or
   T.  Cane toads are now a plague, originally imported to eat cane
   F.  Koalas are always stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus
   Fb. Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, `explode' in bushfires.
   F.  Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
   U.  ``Goanna Oil'' dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native
   U.  Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus,says motorbike is
          oncoming train
   U.  Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
   Fb. Aussies put vegemite under eyelids to get high. Yum!
   T.  Some New Zealanders do not think very highly of Australians.
   T.  There sure are lots of stories about Vegemite. [Why not Marmite?]
   F.  Rights to ``Waltzing Matilda'' are owned by an American, hence not
   T.  `Chooks' taste like chicken.
   T.  Tasmanian devils are not extinct. Whoopee.
Lewd Food

   T.  There're kosher Chinese restaurants in and around big East Coast
          US cities.
   T.  Most mass-market beers contain ``foaming agents'' to make them
          form a head.
   U.  Eating lots of chicken fast food causes males to grow breasts
          (from hormones
   T.  Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be
          eaten raw.
   T.  Unless marked `dairy', fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly
          carrageen gel.
   T.  Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks; is not good
          for you.
   F.  Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts
          of Vit A.
   Tb. Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates
   Tb. Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
   U.  Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne
   T.  Kim Scheinberg posted MF's denial from autobiography,but she would
          say that.
   F,T,T,U.  Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat,
          seaweed, rat. [`` `The Kentucky Fried Rat' and Other Nasties''
          in TVH]
   F.  Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you
          took his. There are several variations on the same motif,
          differing by location. [``The Packet of Biscuits'' in TCD.
          Douglas Adams claims this really happened to him. Also a
          variant w/Kit Kat bars.]
   F.* Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by
          spreading it. [``The Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe'' in CBA. This
          is probably a descendant of the ``Red Velvet Cake'' UL in TVH.
          Another version involves Nieman-Marcus and many other noted
          retail establishments.]
   F.  Green M&M's (also `Smarties' in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac.
   T.  Andrew Welsh has tried them.
   F.  Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not
          dangerous #2) [Both M&M legends are in ``Green M&Ms'' in TMP]
   F.  Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this
          regularly [`` `Bosom Serpent' Legends'' in TCD.]
   T.  Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
   F.  They're hired to help maintain secrecy.
   F.  Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you
   T.  Steven Bellovin thinks diverticulitis may be source of this UL.
   T.  British army doses water with bromide (for purification), soldiers
          say it's.
   U.  ...to suppress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with
   Fb. Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
   Tb. Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during
   F.  The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Xmas Plant) are deadly
          poisonous. [``The Poinsettia Myth'' in TMP.]
   T.  Poinsettia sap and leaves are irritants and may harm small
   T.  People have been poisoned by eating food cooked on burning
          oleander branches
   Tb. Asparagus stinks up pee, but ability to smell it is genetically
   T.  Fresh seeds from plants of rose family react to form cyanide in
          the body.
   T.  Lots of Asian restaurants have humorous names to English speakers.
   Fb. Restaurant mints are pissy because patrons don't wash after going
          to the loo.
   F.  Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You
          wish!) [``The Death of Little Mikey'' in TCD]
   F.* A popular Mexican beer (esp. Corona) was made with urine.
   F.* Snapple either supports Operations Rescue/KKK and/or the ship on
          the label is a slave ship.
   T.  In November 1994, Snapple was acquired by Quaker Oats Corp. Tell
          it to them.
   F.* Tropical Fantasy soft drink causes sterility in black men.
   T.  Some people like to eat the placenta (aka afterbirth) of their
   F.  Shampoos and foreign beauty aids are made from aborted babies.
          [``The Secret Ingredient'' in TMP]
   F.  Couple travels to exotic locale with pet dog. Eatery prepares it
          for them. [``Food and Restaurant Rumors and
          Legends''/``Unfortunate Pet Legends'', TCD]
   F.  Ethnic eateries (Chinese/E. Indian/Italian) use cat/dog/human meat
          instead of expected meat.[``The Eaten Pets''/``Further Ethnic
          Stereotype Legends,''TMP]
   F.  Cantaloupes are infected with salmonella and are thus bad to eat.
   F.  Snake hidden in imported fruit (bananas, pineapple, etc.)
          bites/kills some- one. [``The Snake in the Greens'' in TBT]
   T.* Woman removes label from `tuna' can, finds cat food label
   T.* The cat food actually was tuna canned 6 years earlier in Canada,
          declared unfit for human consumption, allowed to be exported as
          pet food, and then illegally relabeled as tuna again. (Toronto
          Star, March 24, 1992)
   Fb. In pre-revolutionary Paris, peasants resold food from restaurant
   T.  Vegemite (and Marmite) is made from yeast by-products, salt, and
          other stuff
   Fb. Cannibalism was a common means of sustenance for past cultures.
   F.  `Instant' ramen noodles are coated w/wax and can cause intestinal
   Fb. Drinking alcoholic beverages through a straw makes one drunker
   Tb. Carbonation in whisky and soda makes one drunk faster than a
          straight whisky
   F.  Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from the Chinese.
   T.  Spinach has no more iron than other vegetables; UL due to
          misplaced decimal.
   F.* People eat chocolate because it gives them the same feeling as
          being in love
   F.  Chocolate makes people horny.
   T.  Some McDonald's do give free soft drink refills. There may not be
          signs tho.
   F.  Peeling labels off a beer bottle means you're: a) a virgin, b)
          gonna get lucky, c) sexually frustrated.
   F.  Eating hot bread is bad for you (alcohol, stomach upset, etc.)
   Tb. Don't use fresh/frozen pineapple, Kiwi fruit, or maggots to make
   Tb. Certain Eng. documentaries notwithstanding, spaghetti doesn't grow
          on trees.
   T.  Some English beers contain fish guts.
   F.  The ``Baby Ruth'' candy bar was named for George `Babe' Ruth. Duh.
   Fb. ...It was really named for US president Grover Cleveland's oldest
   Tb. ...There are those who believe that the manufacturer wanted to
          avoid paying ...royalties to the `Babe.' [Notable AFUers: pvdl
          and Ted Frank.]
   T.  But the `Babe' was a pitcher when it came out and wasn't really
          famous yet.
   F.  ``Bubble Yum'' bubble gum is manufactured with spiders' eggs.
          [``The Kentucky Fried Rat'' in TVH.]
   T.  There sure are lots of stories of food service people jacking off
          into food. ...e.g., doughnut dough, pizzas, curry, etc.
   T.  Most, if not all, are false though.
   T.  If you want to know what the `33' on Rolling Rock beer means. Read
          the Straight Dope books mentioned at the end of the FAQ list.
   F.  Eating ice will strip the enamel off your teeth or is somehow
          `bad' for you.
   T.  Some people were buying large quantities of baby formula in the US
          because it was cheaper than in nearby large metropolitan areas.
   T.  Yes, we've heard the untrue story about a woman, a dog, and peanut
   F.  Putting a spoon in a bottle of champagne will help keep it from
          going flat. ...See also
   F.* There was nothing accidental about the development of Coca-cola.
          If you give a fizz, call Barbara Hamel.
   T.  There were many news reports of a man who bit into a taco and
          found a frog at an El Torito restaurant in 11/95. But it sounds
          like bullshit to me. 
Snuff Movies

   Tb. The Feds, cops, CIA, etc. have never actually found a real snuff
   T.  Scotland Yard has found no evidence of snuff films in the last 20
   F.  ``Snuff films'' actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various
          wannabe fakes)
   T.  Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
   T.  Search in WestLaw in 1991 showed no mention of cases on ``snuff
   F.* ``Faces of Death'' is a snuff film. [See Larry Doering plot
   F.  ``Snuff'' was the name of a real snuff film.
   T.  We never saw a snuff film that we didn't like.
   T.  Dean Lambey in California was arrested in 1989 by an undercover
          officer and tried and convicted while planning to make a snuff
          film. Conviction was upheld by a federal appeals court in 1992
          in Richmond, VA.
   F.  There were at least two different endings to ``Old Yeller''.
   By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the purpose of
   (rather than incidental to) the murder and with some intent of
   commercial distribution (i.e. if they ran out of film, the murder
   would be postponed until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get
   more). Paul Lanning, the FBI's chief researcher into child pornography
   was quoted by The Times of London:
     ``In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
     commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
     gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using special
     effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life in
   Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying
   ``snuff movies could exist, because people are naughty enough'' --
   this is not in dispute; the point is that no examples have yet come to
   light. Until someone shows evidence of their existence, snuff films
   are in the same category as UFO's, the Loch Ness monster, and Bruce
   Willis's hair -- i.e. ``believed false''.
Upstanding Legends Of The Penis And Scrotum

   F.  Model's dick showed in a Sears catalog ad for shorts (it was
   T.  But it looked a little like the model's wiener, and folks thought
          it was.
   T.  Nelson Rockefeller died of cardiac arrest while porking the help.
   U.  Errol Flynn banged out ``Star-spangled Banner'' on xylophone with
          his big dong
   F.  Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near
   F.  In Nigeria, roving gangs of thieves may surreptitiously steal
          mens' dorks.
   T.  Groupies took plaster casts of pop singers' schlongs, inc
          Hendrix's whacker.
   Tb. Adolf Hitler only had one testicle. Immortalized in many a kid's
   T.  If you have to ask about Hitler's or Goebbels' balls, try using
          your brain instead of repeating that stupid song.
   T.  There sure are lots of stories about LBJ and his peter.
   T.  Masturbator's penis in hose chopped by fan blade of Hoover
          Dustette cleaner.
   T.  This is dubbed the legend of ``the Cleaner and the Leaner
   U.  Woman slits guy's scrotum, sticks straw in, and blows; he gets off
          on it...
   F.  Child in mall goes to toilet; is abducted; has willie cut off.
   F.  Drunk joyriding on hood of car, loses parts to hood ornament at
          sudden stop.
   F.  Wife seduces cheating husband then superglues his plonker while he
          sleeps. [``The Superglue Revenge'' in TCD]
   T.  Guy hurts self after sex w/machine drive belt, has self surgery
   Fb. Health worker in US/Africa demos condom usage to
          immigrants/natives w/a broom/finger. Woman returns pregnant.
          She had used EXACTLY as taught.
   U.  Napoleon's wanker was cut off at autopsy and was recently
          auctioned off.
   F.  Number of stars on Playboy cover is # of times Hef banged the
   T.  ...It's a distribution code.
   T.  Public boners are banned in Indiana. Law upheld by US Supreme
   T.  Couple on UK train had oral sex, then sex, then smoked in
          non-smoking area,
   F.  ...nobody complained until they started smoking;
   T.  ...train crew ignored complaints until couple started smoking.
   F.  Young man is at dinner party w/future in-laws. His fiance says his
          zipper ...is unzipped. He attempts to distract them by pointing
          out the window ...and calling out ``Look at that!'' Where 2
          dogs are doing the nasty, or ...he slyly zips up his fly, but
          when he gets up, drags the table cloth off ...'cause he trapped
          the cloth in his fly! [``Nudes and More Nudes'' in TVH]
   F.  Woman reports to emergency room and sez diaphram is stuck. Drs.
          remove it to find it's covered with grape jelly. Directions
          said to ``...use w/jelly.''
   Tb. Andy Wardley has a smashed^H^Hing winky.
Hide The Salami

   U.  Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
   T.  Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating
          on them.
   T.  People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in
   F.  Well-known film star et al. put a gerbil up his ass for ``wriggly
          furry fun'' [``The Colo-Rectal Mouse'' in TMP. Related entries
          in LEGAL BEAGLES]
   T.  ...I. York found an unsubstantiated reference in a 1986 book by
          Dr. Caleel.
   T.  Search of Medline in December 1993 using key words ``anus, rectum,
          rodent, gerbil'' showed no such incident ever found. Lots of
          other stuff though.
   F.  Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free
          of semen. [Said of Elton John, Rod Stewart, David Lee Roth, and
          Marc Almond.]
   F.  Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract
   F.  Girl slipped spanish fly at drive-in movie; found impaled on gear
          shift. [``Miscellaneous Sex Legends'' in TCD]
   F.  Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg
          in closet.
   T.  Var: guy is seduced by woman, tied to bed, and sodomized by
   T.  ...Similar motif in Stephen King's novel Gerald's Game.
   Fb. Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at
          hospital. [``The Stuck Couple'' in TCD]
   F.  One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg
          ``Welcome to the world of AIDS''. [``AIDS Mary'' in CBA]
   Fb. Female gang initiation ceremony is to screw an HIV+ male member.
   F.  Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for
   Tb. ...This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those
   F.  `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with
          their wives
   Tb. Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off
          his tongue.
   F.  Man fills wife's lover's convertible with concrete. [``The Solid
          Cement Cadillac'' in TVH]
   T.* Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to
   F.  Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
   F.  Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's
          testicles [``Miscellaneous Sex Legends'' in TCD]
   Tb. Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizarre
   Tb. E.g. vagina-less woman,fellates lover, stabbed in gut by
          boyfriend, pregnant!
   F.  Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (eg. airline
          stewardesses on job)
   U.  Mother threatens to discipline kid; kid threatens to squeal on
          mom's fellatio.
   F.  Husband informed that septic tank/toilet blockage due to too many
          condoms; but he doesn't use them; confronts wife, she confesses
          affair w/milkman. He waits and shoots milkman next day; but it
          was a substitute milkman! [``The Evidence'' in TMP]
   F.  Couple goes to `love' hotel w/hot tub, mirrors, etc. Make the sign
          of the eight legged aardvark. Upon return, call up an X-movie
          and see themselves! [``Sex Scandals'' in TCD]
   F.  A guy picks up a girl at a party. But is unable to `perform' so
          asks a friend at the party to finish it for him. His friend
          does so and in the morning, finds that he slept with his
          sister! Similar motif happens in a halloween or other costumed
          ball setting. [This and related ULs relating to mistaken
          identities are discussed in ``Mistaken Identity'' in CBA.]
   F.  There was a significant increase in NYC births about 9 months
          after 1965 Blackout. [``The Baby Train'' in TBT.]
   Tb. A town in Oregon banned all sex.
   Tb. Rimming (oral/anal contact) is legal in Utah.
   F.  Catherine the Great died while trying to have something to do with
          a horse.
   Fb. ...Mr. Ed was descended from that horse.
   F.  For some reason, a woman is doing the laundry in the nude. She
          puts on her son's football helmet, and is surprised by
          plumber/gas man who says some- thing like ``I hope your team
          wins, lady.'' [``Nudes and More Nudes'' in TVH]
   F.  Some subdenomination of Jews have sex through a sheet. (See
          soc.culture. jewish FAQ).
Disney Dementia [And Other Amusement Park Stories]

   T.  Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance
   T.* ``Little Mermaid'' video cover features good drawing of penis.
          Prank? Revenge?
   T.  There is a basketball hoop at the top of the Matterhorn replica.
   T.  Male Disneyites may not grow beards (& many other petty rules for
          women too) [Applies only to ``On Stage'' cast members.]
   T.  There is a `secret' ``Club 33'' serving hard liquor, in New
          Orleans Square, Disneyland.
   T.  Clerics in their robes are admitted to Disneyland at concessionary
   T.  Wheelchairs & 1 attendant go to the front of the line for rides.
   Tb. Disney ripped off Orlando county, thru grabbing Federal road funds
   T.  Woman alleges breast-fondling by 1/3 of 3 Little Pigs; case thrown
   F.  Three little pigs clit-tickled law-suit happy babe, with
          non-mobile arms.
   F.  Child disappears from Disneyland, found with new haircut, dyed by
   T.  SF writer Harlan Ellison fired from Dismall Studios after Mickey
          porn joke.
   T.  Harlan Ellison was ticked to hell at snopes.
   T.  Lots of people don't know who H. Ellison is. Lots more don't care.
   F.* Old Walt Disney's dead body was frozen for later revivification.
   F.  Child goes for ride on popular ride; feels bites; dies from snake
   F.  Water in ``Tunnel of Love'' ride infested with snakes. [Both in
          ``Death in the Funhouse'' in CBA.Stephanie da Silva says this
          really happened to her.]
   T.  Disney caused people to believe that Lemmings suicide in march to
   T.* See snopes' ``Urban Legends Reference Page: Disney'' for it all.
Question Authority (And Other Conspiracies)

   U.  CIA fixed the Anarchist's Cookbook, so explosive blows up as you
          make it.
   T.  You may own the mailbox, but US Postal Service controls what goes
          in it.
   T.  The CIA, NSA and 11 different secret govt organizations tap & bug
   T.  Princess Anne was only female competitor not given sex test in
          1976 Olympics
   F.* Guy/gal wakes up in Big City, a kidney has been stolen from him!
   T.* ...Common variation now is Americans/Europeans/et al. stealing
          children from some poor (e.g., Guatemala) country for their
   Fb. Hubbard started Scientology after Heinlein bet he couldn't found a
          religion. Bill Van Horne actually posted some useful stuff that
          I used to change this.
   T.  alt.religion.scientology FAQ sez `F,' but I haven't been converted
   F.  P&G's logo reflects Satanic or Moonie ties.
   F.  P&G's `president' appeared on `Donahue' to affirm same. [``The
          Procter & Gamble Trademark'' in TCD]
   F.  On `Oprah' designer Liz Claiborne said her clothes were not
          designed for black women because their ``hips were too big''.
   F.  On `Oprah' designer Liz Claiborne said she supports the KKK.
   Tb. Candy manufacturers sneakily micro-reduce size of product to gyp
   F.  Universal Product Codes (computer readable bar-codes) are marks of
   P.  VP Bush persuaded Iranians to delay hostage release to aid Reagan
   U.  Govt has secret plan to replace the currency overnight to foil
          drug barons.
   Tb. CIA radio transmits spoken five digit code numbers to operatives
   T.  You can send a coconut thru the mail without any further wrapping.
   F.  Sticking one of those ``Postage Paid'' reply cards on a heavy
          object (e.g., a brick) will cost the addressee the postage.
          [Nope, USPS tosses it.]
   T.  Some change-making machines can be fooled by photocopies of
   T.  NSA leaned on NIST to propose less secure digital signature
          standard than RSA.
   T.  After a public outcry, NIST allowed a longer key (up to 1024 bits)
          which made it into the digital signature standard FIPS-186
   Tb. The reason DSA was used for digital signatures rather than the
          more proven RSA algorithm was that NSA opposes easy public
          access to an algorithm that can also be used for general
          encryption. (RSA can/DSA can't).
   F.  Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Entenmann's bakery
   F.  Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Waldenbooks.
   Tb. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns a fish processing plant in
          Gloucester, Massachusetts.
   U.  Those guys selling roses on roads are connected with the Moonies.
   T.  Entenmann's owned by General Foods, Philip Morris bought, merged
          w/ Kraft.
   F.* Ship captains, on their own authority, can perform marriages.
   F.  Govt cabbage price memo lots longer than var. patriotic/religious
          documents. [``The Price of Cabbage Memo'' under ``Government
          Legends'' in TCD.]
   F.  Govt regularly burns WWII-era hemp fields. Only high officials
          know where.
   F.  If you are the first to read this and send me e-mail, you will
          receive $10.
   Fb. Class requests satellite imaging photo; US says `no';(then) USSR
          says `yes'.
   F.  Compensation paid to kin of Salem witches up to 1957 (per The
   F.  Alleged witches were burned at the stake in the US during the
          Salem trials.
   T.  Alleged witches were hanged or pressed to death.
   T.  Mass. recanted the Salem trials and freed the witches within a few
   T.  Name of last alleged witch was cleared in 1957.
   Tb. Whole business is extraordinarily similar to modern accusations of
   T.  Crop circles (at least in the UK) have been shown to be man-made.
   T.* Mapmakers place copyright traps in maps (e.g., Rand-McNally, no.
          Thomas Maps, yes)
   U.  Several noted movies have ``death curses'' on them.
   Fb. Major firms/gov't suppress evidence of a super great
          product(car,light,etc.) [``The Economical Car'' in TVH and CBA]
   T.  The USA did have a 49 star flag.
   Tb. There really is a place called `Wyoming.'
   F.  Some 1963 $1 bills have a 'K' for JFK, 11 for month of death to
          commemorate JFK. [``The Kennedy Note'' in TMP]
   T.  Channel 1 for TV existed in the US, but was eliminated by the FCC
          in 1945.
   U.  Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
   F.  An undercover cop must answer yes to ``Are you a cop?'' to avoid
   Fb. Guy dodges draft by eating peanut butter/hotdog from rectum in
          front of MD.
   F.  There was once a female Pope in the Roman Catholic Church.
   F.* Noted atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair is petitioning the FCC to ban
          religious broadcasting.
   F.* U.S. Patent Office head once said that it be closed because
          ``Everything that can be invented has been invented.''
   F.  It's illegal to pick Trilliums in Ontario, Canada.
   U.  Lots of places are supposedly either 3rd or 22nd to be bombed in
   F.  Ads for ``free pets'' are frequently answered by testing labs for
   T.  Gerald Ford did have a vice president(who is mentioned elsewhere
          in the FAQ)
   T.  Bank policies on ATMs work differently in different areas.
   F.  The king of Denmark wore a yellow star in solidarity with Jews in
   T.  There were (are?) Japanese soldiers hiding out on isles in Pacific
          who believed WWII was still on.
   F.  The Trilateral Commission is working to take over the world.
   F.  Ditto for the Council on Foreign Relations.
   F.  Queen Victoria so loved Alice in Wonderland she requested copies
          of all Lewis Carroll's books. Was ticked with copy of Symbolic
   F.  You can tell if a big op. is happening at US gov't by level of
          pizza orders.
   T.  Craig Becker once went nuts and bought a whole shitload of Jack
          Chick comix.
   T.  Canadians sure seem to get worked up about this ``50-40''
   T.  People can just ramble on about Jehovah's Witnesses & getting rid
          of 'em.
   T.  AFUBOT.
   F.  Mary Baker Eddy (Christian Science) was buried w/a phone so she
          could her followers from ``The Other Side.''
   U.  There may or may not have been an AFU EAST. I need $$ to find out.
   T.  There are many, many anecdotal stories descrbing why US$2 bills
          are unlucky.
   F.  Story involving a page or an elevator operator telling US Rep.
          Fred ``Love Boat'' Grandy ``Lido Deck, sir?'' or ``Promenade
          Deck, sir?'' subsequently being fired.
   F.  Adolf Hitler intentionally snubbed Jesse Owens by refusing to
          shake hands with him in the 1936 Olympics.
   T.  Hitler didn't shake hands with any athletes after the first day of
          competition, and Jesse didn't win anything until the second.
          Hitler did, however, snub another black American athlete,
          Cornelius Johnson.
   F.  Magnetic strips are embedded in US currency for nefarious
   T.  ...See
   T.  ...Of course, this won't make any difference if you REALLY KNOW
Legal Beagles

   [See also Wild Life In The Fast Lane, Stupid People Tricks, and Snuff
   T.  If you have questions about copyrights, you should really check
          out Terry Carroll's copyright FAQ in misc.legal.
   F.  Guy trims hedges with lawnmower but trims own extremities; sues;
          wins big! [``The Lawnmower Accident'', TMP,``Media Sources and
          Business Legends'' in TCD]
   T.  Check in various legal databases shows no such case appealed.
   Tb. Some people think researching the most trivial legal point is
          great fun.
   F.  There are legal limits on how much of your debts you can pay in
          coins (US)
   T.  ...Though some Treasury PR flack did imply otherwise for pennies
          and nickels.
   T.  ...but there have been legal limits on how much coin a creditor
          must accept.
   T.* ...For some strange reason, Canadian law is much clearer on this
   T.  Woman sued drink co.; she was blinded by bottle cap after opening
   F.  The US has 70% of world's lawyers.
   U.  U.S. Supreme Court ruled that ``professional wrestling'' was
          entertainment, not sport.
   T.  Gerbils are illegal in California.[CA Reg. Title 14, Sec. 671
          (c)(2)(J) 1].
   Tb. Gerbils are trained to sniff drugs in Canada. Those Canadians!
   F.  You must be hit thrice before retaliation can be construed as
   Fb. Hackers couldn't be convicted because system had ``Welcome to X
          system'' msg. ...therefore systems now have legal notices
Wild Life In The Fast Lane

   F.  As part of initiation, potential gang members drive around with
          headlights off at night and will shoot people who flash
          headlights at them.
   T.  There seem to be quite a few warnings about fatal gang initiations
          lately. [e.g., flashing headlights, clothing, etc.]
   T.  Not surprisingly, other ULs (e.g., ``Killer in the Backseat'',
          ankle tendon slashers, etc.) have emerged with ``gang
          initiation'' motifs.
   Fb. Schoolkid beheaded by road sign,due to sticking his head out the
          bus window.
   T.  Oregon Highway Div blows up eight ton dead whale, showers area
          with blubber.
   T.  See Ore. Highway Div. article and an *.avi file available at
   Fb. Gas (petrol) engines pollute the same as diesel; diesel just
          smells worse.
   Tb. Diesel engines emit more unburnt hydrocarbons than gas ones
          w/catalytic conv
   Ft. Power windows in cars trap kids' limbs, necks. Kill or maim them.
   T.  A 2 yr-old girl was killed by a power window in a Fiat in the UK
          in May 1992
   F.  Stop signs with a white border are optional. (Oh, I don't think
   F.  Leaving car radio on when the ignition switch is off will drain
          battery. [Exc. VWs, etc. where the radio is not switched thru
          the ignition switch.]
   Tb. Airbag in car can give you a chemical burn when it deploys.
   U.  Driver sets cruise control, wrongly believes it steers too!
          Crashes... [`` `Cruise Control' Stories'' in TCD.]
   Tb. Tree-lined French avenue triggers epileptic fits by flickering
          light at 11Hz
   F.  The VW Beetle was designed by Hitler. [It was designed by F.
   T.  Hitler did push the idea of the Beetle as a ``people's car''
          though perhaps solely for propaganda purposes.
   Fb. New car rattles -- note found in door frame from factory
          saboteur... [``The Rattle in the Cadillac'' in TCD.Classic UL
          always involves a luxury car
   T.  Montana had a token $5 fine for exceeding Federal 55mph limit.
          ...when it mattered.
   T.  Mongo-power engine installed in weenie-looking car. Blows off
   T.  John Somebody-or-other built car called ``the Beast'' with 27lt
          Spitfire engine
   T.  It eventually took off, and self-destructed on the A27 outside
   T.  Special equipment can transmit any reading you want to police
          radar gun.
   T.  There are traffic lights with green on top in a few US Irish
   T.  You can be guilty of DUI on a bicycle, horse, perambulator, etc
          most places.
   T.  Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on
          salt flats.
   U.  Person fitted rocket/JATO unit to car, embedded in rockface at
          first bend.
   Fb. Man working on roof ropes himself to car on other side;wife drives
   T.  The ``man on roof'' appeared on a home video show in UK. Believed
          to be staged.
   F.  Hitchhiker disappears, is ghost of person killed years ago in road
          accident. [``The Vanishing Hitchhiker'' in TVH and TMP]
   F.  Valuable classic car sold for pittance by (1) grieving parents of
          war dead
   F,U (2) spouse of errant husband (3) heirs of person who died and
          rotted in it.
   Fb. (4) sold by widow who would receive either car or proceeds of its
          sale. [``The Death Car'' and ``The Philanderer's Porsche'' in
          TVH. ``The Bargain Sports Car'' in CBA]
   F.  Psycho's handhook hanging from the car door, broken off as couple
          drove away [``The Hook'' in TVH]
   F.  Carthief squashed dead in stolen BMW by collapsing freeway in '89
          SF quake
   F.  Driving barefoot is illegal most places (Nope, but it's dumb to
          goad cops)
   F.* Driving barefoot is illegal in the USA.
   T.  New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
   U.  Red sports cars generate disproportionate number of speeding
   F.  Man crashes into toll booth while receiving fellatio from
   Fb. Flashing your headlights will cause a traffic light to change
   T.  It's really no big deal that there are towns named `Intercourse'
          and `Blue Ball' in Pennsylvania. Post it to misc.misc if you
          can't resist.
   Tb. There are some lights w/sensors for emergency vehicles.
   Tb. There're lots folk remedies to plug up old radiators: cigarettes,
   T.  Lots of places have weird street names.
   T.  You can find lots of weird msgs on license plates if you try
          really hard.
   T.  `SIGAlerts' in the greater LA area are named for a guy named Loyd
   F.  Couple's car out of gas; he gets help; she hears noise, then cops
          arrive; tell her to leave & not look back; she does, sees him
          hanging or decapitated. [``The Boyfriend's Death'' in TVH]
   F.  Guy tries to siphon gas from an RV but instead siphons from the
          septic tank; found unconscious by RV next morning.
   Tb. ``Maintenance-Free'' batteries were invented for cheaper transport
          of new cars
   F.  Police officer pulls over female driver. She asks about tickets to
          a policemen's ball, he replies ``Policemen don't have balls''
          and he leaves flustered (or she is totally embarassed).
          [``Miscellaneous Sex Legends'' TCD]
   Fb. Woman gets in her car at night; is followed on the way home; calls
          for help; husband accosts the guy; guy was trying to warn woman
          of thug in backseat of her car. [``The Killer in the Back
          Seat'', TVH]
   Fb. Parking spot taken from older woman by two younger women. They
          tell her ``Sorry we're younger and faster.'' Woman reflects,
          rams their car, and replies ``I'm older and richer''. [Several
          variations on the repartee.] [``Old vs. Young'' in TMP and also
          used in the film ``Fried Green Tomatoes''.]
   F.  A motorcyclist at high speed hits a fly which goes to his brain
          via his eye.
   F.  An auto worker steals parts of a Caddy bit by bit until he has a
          whole car.
   U.  Fancy car has ``No Radio'' sign. Owner returns to broken
          windshield and ``No Windshield''/``Get One'' or ``Just
          Checking'' sign.
   Fb. Truck gets stuck at low bridge. Noone knows what to do; a young
          kid suggests letting the air out of the tires.
   U.  UK people drive on the left (etc) to allow easy sword access in
          old days.
   F.  Someone never gets tickets because his license plates say `NONE'.
   Tb. Freon can be used to break Kryptonite locks.
   F.  In great desperation, mother lifts car off and rescues trapped
   F.  Woman picks up elderly woman hitchhiker; sees that HH has hairy
          arms; gets HH out on pretense;takes off;later finds
          cleaver/hatchet/knife in seat. [``The Hairy Armed Hitchhiker''
          in TCD.]
   F.  Couple w/baby on long trip stops to switch places; place baby on
          roof; they forget it up there! Police cruiser pull them over
          and baby is rescued. [``The Baby on the Roof'' in TCD.]
   F.  Grandma dies on long family trip; they strap body to roof; car is
          stolen! [``The Runaway Grandmother'' in TVH.]
   T.  ``The Club'' is lame because a thief could cut through the wheel
          in no time.
   T.  You sure gets lots of junk when you ask about US highway numbering
   T.  Not many threads are dumber than [non]funny place and street
          names... ...except for ``names in phonebooks.''
   F.* Rolls-Royce will go to great extremes to fix problems and deny
          that there were any problems to protect their image.
   F.  There are various extremely harsh penalities (e.g., execution) for
          drunk driving in other countries (e.g., Turkey, Norway, El
          Salvador, etc.)
   T.  ...this story is commonly spread via flyers.
   T.  Airbags have been stolen from cars.
Legends About Natatory Capabilities Of Large Anthropoid Primates

   Tb. Gorillas can't swim.
   T.  Certain tribes of Japanese macaques sift their grain in the sea.
   Fb. Many simians hold regular swimming contests; winners mate w/
          choice females.
   Tb. ...Losers go on ``The Love Connection.''
   T.  Some monkeys prefer not to swim at all; will drown if dropped in
   P.  Chimpanzee muscles are formed in a way that renders backstroke
   T.  `Baywatch" proves that apes share at least 95% of DNA with humans.
   T.  Lee ``Cow Pie King'' Rudolph is the 100th lemur.
Astounding Avian Anomalies

   F.  Birds cannot sing while on the ground.
   Tb. Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp seed
   T.  Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other small
   T.  Chickens are easily mesmerized. Whoopee.
   F.  Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it flying
   T.  If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could
          grab it.
   F.  Seagulls (and other creatures) explode when you feed them
          Alka-Seltzer, rice, or `pop-rocks' - dried coconuts?.[``The
          Death of Little Mikey'' in TCD].
   F.  Birds won't sit on their nests if you touch one of their eggs.
   F.  The resonance frequency of a chicken's skull cavity is ~7 Hz.
   Tb. Some birds get drunk by eating partly fermented berries/fruits.
Doggie-Style and Catty-Wumpuss

   [See also Lewd Food]
   F.  Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals whose urine contain
   Tb. Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals who cannot break down
          uric acid into its soluble form, `allantoin.'
   U.  Old/ditzy woman puts dog in microwave to dry it out- it dies
          gruesome death/lives to bark again. [``The Pet (or Baby) in the
          Oven'' and ``Hot Dog'' in TVH. Also ``I Read It in the Paper''
          in TCD.]
   T.  Cruel people and other weirdos will microwave pets. This is not a
   T.  A Baltimore lawyer was busted for microwaving a kitten in January
   F.  A Doberman chokes on fingers that it bit off burglar hidden in
          closet. [``The Choking Doberman'' in, surprise! TCD and TMP]
   F.  Plastic/glass water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating in the
          area. [``Lawn Order in New Zealand (and elsewhere)'' in CBA]
   F.  The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos is
   T.  Radioactive cat litter found in May 1991 in Berkeley, Calif
   U.  Source of the litter was radioactive cat food? Cat on radiation
   T.  Days-old body in home discovered headless. Was eaten by dog!
   T.  Cats can carry a parasite (toxoplasmosis) which is esp.dangerous
          to fetuses.
   Tb. Aspirin is very bad for cats (slow removal of salicyates from
          their bodies).
   Tb. Dog gets shock from phone line, urinates, phone rings!
   F.  Woman's cat dies. She puts it in a shopping bag/box to take it to
          the country for burial. On the way, she stops at a store and
          puts the bag down. She turns around and bag is shoplifted.
          [``The Dead Cat in the Package'' in TVH. There's an amusing
          ending in one of the stories.]
   T.  Many variations on above with urine samples in bottles and bags of
   F.  Cat steals some dinner, turns up dead, guests' stomachs pumped;
          but cat had been run over by neighbor and posed, so as not to
          ruin dinner party.
   Tb. In WW2, Russians fed dogs under tanks, then released them in
          battle with anti-tank explosives having an antenna-like trigger
          on their backs.
   Tb. Dogs ran under wrong ones, German tanks didn't smell like Russian
   T.  Most Russian tanks were diesel, most German ones weren't.
   T.  German high command counters by spreading rabies rumors,
          encouraging soldiers to shoot every dog they see.
   T.  Some animal shelters have prohibited the adoption of cats during
          Halloween to avoid cruelty by `Satanists.' Robin Colleen Moore
          is on the lookout.
   F.  Firemen rescue old lady's cat from tree. She invites them for tea.
          They run over cat when they leave. [``The Bungled Rescue of the
          Cat'' in CBA]
   T.  ...it is reported as happening in S. Pile's The Book of Heroic
   T.  Cats and rabbits do not interbreed, though rabbits will hump
          anything warm.
Other Animal (But Non-Buggy) Crackers

   U.  Every animal has enough brains in its head to preserve its own
   F.  Dead rabbit next door dug up by dog;washed, put in cage by frantic
          dogowner. [``The Hare Drier'' in CBA.]
   F.  Killer whales will attack swimming dogs because they stink like
   F.  Fox frees itself of fleas by gradual immersion, shifting fleas to
   Fb. Driver runs over exotic animal,wraps in coat for fun photo;it
          revives, runs off! Similar story: A hunter poses for picture
          w/deer w/rifle in antlers.
   Fb. Farmer asks hunter to shoot mule; other hunter shoots another mule
   T.  Armadillos can contract leprosy.
   Tb. Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
   Tb. Cow-tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened.
   Tb. Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city kids.
   Tb. Candiru fish, native to S. America, can swim into your urethra.
   T.  Fainting goats are real. Crimony!
   T.  Galapagos turtles do moan and groan during copulation.
   F.  Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their tails.
   T.  Guinea pigs actually do have small stumpy vestigial tails. Take a
   Fb. Horse falls thru bottom of moving trailer, legs ground to stumps.
   Fb. Otter, newly-released after $50K Valdez clean-up, is eaten by
   T.  Rats cannot vomit (the basis for many rat poisons).
   F.* There are [albino] alligators inhabiting the sewers of New York
          City. [TVH]
   T.* Alligators were once found in the sewers of New York City.
   T.  There sure seem to be lots of stories about pigeons.
   T.  Sewer rats can come into the house and bite one's behind while on
          the potty.
   U.  Litter from released balloons choke and kill whales, birds, etc.
   F.  [Domesticated] turkeys are so dumb,they'll drown if they're out in
          the rain.
   Fb. Trapper ties dynamite to coyote, releases; coyote runs under his
          car/house. [``The Coyote's Revenge'' in TCD. Similar ULs with
          rabbits, raccoons, fish, etc. exist and are traced back to an
          old motif involving a cat in TMP]
   F.  [Wo]man found a rat in [Mexico] and brought it home thinking it
          was a dog. [``The Mexican Pet'' in, surprise! TMP]
   F.  Baby elephant escapes from circus; sits on VW;front/roof
          dented;later police stop owner and ask what happened? [``The
          Elephant that Sat on a VW'' in TCD.]
   T.  Rachel Perkins has seen blow-up sheep dolls.
   F.  A snake was sewn into a (esp. foreign-made) coat in a store and
          bites a customer. [``The Snake in the Banket'' in TVH.]
Arthropod Crackers

   T.  Really big insects (snakes too) can get imported along with fruit
   F.  Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before
   F.  Dragonflies (``darning needles'') can sting you very severely.
   T.  Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough
          to pinch.
   F.  If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good luck.
   T.  `Killer' African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
   T.  A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast food
   T.  Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup
          or food.
   T.  Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat
          their way out. Variation: Woman gets bitten, after insects out,
          she dies/has breakdown/ watches Oprah. [``The Spider Bite'' in
   F.  Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of scorpions/spiders.
          [``Spiders in the Yucca'' in TMP]
   F.  Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth
          on way... [Various ULs of this type under ``A Bug in the Ear''
          in CBA]
   F.  A woman w/beehive hairdo is so proud of it she doesn't wash her
          hair; she dies from bees/spiders in it. [Variations on bug and
          ethnicity also noted.] [``The Spider in the Hairdo'' in TVH]
   Fb. Lobsters,dropped in boiling water, scream.(Nah, it's steam from
          under shell)
   Fb. Moth/butterfly scales from wings will poison or blind you.
   Fb. There are US state laws making it illegal to kill/capture praying
   T.  The bite of the Brown Recluse spider is nasty.
Bait Shop

    [Think Very Carefully Before Posting To These Threads]
   T.  The etymology of `POSH.'
   T.  Three-sided records.
   T.  Most anything to do with ``Star Trek.''
   T.  Cow tipping.
   T.  Anything by that forgettable pulp author, Kurt Vonnegut.
   Table of Contents
   Credits and References
          ____________________ ______________
   Copyright (c) 1996, Terry Chan and Peter van der Linden.
   Web version written and maintained by Sean Willard (sean@panix.com).
   Last modified: January 26, 1996